Who Knew?

Nine years ago I married my best friend.  Our life looks so different than what I pictured it would be.  It’s so much more amazing then I ever could have imagined.  I’m talking about this wonderful gift that we know as adoption.  I think back to the days that we struggled with miscarriage, surgery, and infertility.  The days that we thought we would never have a family.  And that we would have to learn to be ok with that.  Shame on me!  How could I have even thought about giving up that easily?  I am so grateful that we found the strength to fight for what we wanted most out of this life, to be parents.  Both of our adoption had their unique challenges and obstacles to overcome.   The blessings from enduring are worth WAY more than any and all pain we ever felt.  And even now as I write this I just can’t believe how blessed we are that this was our path.  I feel actually grateful for that dreaded word, infertility.  Without it I wouldn’t have what I have now.  And I just can’t imagine that.  Anyone who is reading this post and is waiting for their little one to come home I encourage you to stick with the process and know that it WILL happen.   I’m grateful for the strength that those difficult days have brought me.  I look forward to the next nine years and beyond.  What a gift!

 

 She has the most annimated facial expressions.

 



I love this look she gets when she's really checking something out.

 



Makiah's first Camo outfit.  Nevermind that it's size 6-9 months and she's 3 months old.

 





Hudson was running from me and saying "take Sugar Lumpy's picture". 

Sugar Lumpy is Makiah.  What happened to my photogenic boy. 

 



 

Heavenly

Heaven on Earth

I’m not sure where to even begin.  Makiah is now 6 weeks old.  She is doing SO well!  We are just amazed at how beautiful she is.   I hope you all can excuse me for not writing Makiah’s adoption story sooner.  It all happened so quickly.  I mean without ANY notice.  We have spent the last six weeks focusing on bonding as a family, taking things slowly, and enjoying every moment.  Hudson is so proud to be a big brother.  He has definitely taken the roll of nurturer.  He helps with feeding “baby sister” any chance he gets.  When she is crying he is right by her side holding her hand and usually saying “it’s alright baby sister Mama help you”.  Then he will tell me to change her or feed her, whatever it is he thinks she needs.  It’s been amazing to watch Hudson in his new role of big brother.  He even swatted a little boys hand away from her when he tried to touch her head, oh boy.  Makiah is a sweet baby with a BIG attitude.  Just like everyone else in this house, HAHA.  She is PERFECT!  She can already hold her head up and roll from her tummy to back.  She is working hard at learning to roll from back to tummy.  And she can army crawl forward if we put our hands on her feet so she can push off of them. 

Hudson and Makiah one month old.

OK deep breath, Makiah’s adoption story…………

June 2, 2012

It was Saturday morning and we were getting ready to take Hudson to the Eagle Mountain City parade.  I was putting on my make-up when my phone rang (about 9:00am).  I thought it was my Dad calling to tell me if he would be in the parade for sure.   I had talked to the “match lady" from the agency the previous Tuesday.  And she told me that she didn’t know of any birth mother’s expecting a baby girl.  So I thought it would be a while before we got a call.  But of course it was the “match lady".  A baby girl had been born Friday night, four weeks early.  The birth mother had not had a chance to choose a family.  Of course we said we would like her to look at our profile.   We decided to take Hudson to the parade.  And he had a BLAST, we all did.  He even got to sit with Grandpop on his motorcycle in the parade.  A soldier from Eagle Mountain had just returned from Afghanistan that morning and my Dad is a Patriot Guard Rider. 

When we got home from the parade at around 12:00 I checked my phone.  Not really expecting to have heard anything.  SURPRISE, I had a text from the agency with a picture of our baby girl.  The text said “Hi Mom and Dad call  _____ to find out when you can come and pick me up”.  My eyes filled with tears and I couldn’t read the message again.  I held my phone out to Corey and asked him if it said what I thought it said.  He immediately started freaking out.  After a series of phone calls it was decided that her birth mother would have the day alone with the baby and that we would meet the birth mother Sunday morning for breakfast.  We would sign papers after breakfast and the baby would be discharged from the hospital on Monday. 

Sunday morning was absolutely nerve wracking.  I just kept thinking what if this birth mother changes her mind after she talks with us.  Because I still thought there must be something horribly wrong with us.  As I was walking down the stairs I thought, hey I should grab the car seat and hospital bag just in case.  After debating with myself a little I decided to just grab it and we would have it in the jeep for Monday.  My brother and sister-in-law came over to hang out with Hudson.  Thank God for them!   It was such a relief to know that Hudson was in good hands and having fun hanging out with his Aunt and Uncle.  I tearfully kissed Hudson good-bye and set out to meet our daughter for the first time.  

We picked up flowers and breakfast and sat nervously in the hospital waiting room for the agency representative.  When she arrived she walked us up to the birth mother’s room.  I remember taking a lot deep breaths and telling myself to just be myself.  It was so important to me that she liked me for who I really am.  Our first meeting was brief.   We shook hands, smiled, said we were happy to meet each other and then she went out for a smoke break.  It gave us some time to hold and admire our baby girl.  As soon as I felt her sweet little body in my arms I knew it was going to be ok.  She settled right in and everything about it felt perfect. 

Her birth mother came back into the room and we sat down to eat breakfast.  Although none of us felt much like eating.  We talked about what was important to her birth mother.  She said it was important for her to choose a family that already had an African American child.  And it was important to her that we taught her about her heritage.  Of course teaching Hudson and Makiah about their heritage is important to us as well.  Makiah's birth mother enjoys writing, and I enjoy writing.  Corey also enjoys writing.  Corey is an amazing poet.  We talked about our love for the outdoors.  She also enjoys the outdoors.  She talked about her many reasons for deciding to choose an adoption plan.  I won’t go into to it here.  As you can imagine, It was a very personal and difficult decision for both Makiah's birth mother and birth father.  She thought she was having a boy.  Makiah’s hospital band even says that she is a baby boy.  Corey asked the nursery nurse about it and she said “Well I just changed her diaper and she has a vagina”.  Oh, I love the bluntness of nurses.  ;)  We asked Makiah’s birth mother if we could name her after her.  Corey and I both felt very strongly about it and her birth mother loved the idea.  The spelling is not the same.  And again I will not go into that here for her privacy.  When we decided to name the baby McKenna I always felt it was not quite right.  It had good meaning and I loved the name.  But at the end of the day, before I fell asleep, I would have thoughts of it being close but not quite right.  When the “matching lady” told me the birth mother’s name was Makiah I immediately thought, THAT’S IT!  Our conversation with Makiah’s birth mother went very well.  She is a beautiful, intelligent, loving woman.  And I’m glad we got the chance to meet with her and talk so intimately with her.  Her birth father sounds like an equally great man. 

After we met Makiah’s birth mother she decided she wanted to be discharged from the hospital that day.  She didn’t want to take the extra day in the hospital that she could have taken because she had a c-section.  Despite being a little early Makiah was doing AWESOME!  That meant that Makiah could be discharged as well.   I was so glad that I grabbed Makiah’s car seat and clothes before we left the house.  Corey’s parents just happened to be driving back from Wendover at the same time Makiah was being discharged.  They were the only Grandparent’s that couldn’t make it to the hospital when Hudson was born.  And the only Grandparent’s to be able to make it to the hospital during that very narrow time window that adoption papers were signed and Makiah was discharged.  Life is so crazy….

When we walked into the house with Makiah  Hudson was THRILLED!  He was squealing and dancing.  The only other time that I saw him dance the way he did was when he got his bike for his birthday.   The feelings of happiness, love, and gratitude were overwhelming in the house that day.  And those feelings are still very strong today.  We are so grateful to FINALLY be together.  We are so grateful for our family.  Although life with a newborn and a two year old is never dull, it is always heavenly. 

May 2012 is over J L   I have a love hate relationship with May.  It’s a very emotional time in this house.  So many wonderful things; Hudson’s birthday, my birthday, two nieces birthday’s, Birth Mother’s Day, Mother’s day, and in case that’s not enough Memorial Day.  I feel so much love in May, my heart doubles in size.  I can smile so BIG one day and the next day my heart is broken in a thousand pieces.  I get lost in the emotions of my son’s adoption story.  I’m so grateful to be able to hug my little man every morning.  On his birthday I make it a point to give him two kisses one from me and one from his birth mother.   We think about her all the time.  In May, I’m just overcome with love and gratitude for her.   And then soon after celebrating Hudson’s birthday we celebrate Birth Mother’s Day and Mother’s Day.  It is gut wrenching that these three dates are so close together.  I hope that Hudson’s birth mother has peace in her heart.  And that she knows that Hudson is loved, hugged, kissed, and cherished.  He is a happy, smart, energetic little sweat heart.   And we will be forever grateful for her choice that made us a family. 

WAS

Yesterday WAS Beautiful!

Yesterday WAS Devastating!

At 4pm I took Hudson to the park.  Corey needed to get some much needed work done around the house.   And let’s face it; it’s easier to get things done without your toddler running around “helping”.   At 4:30 the adoption agency called my cell.  Of course Hudson and I just happened to be standing on a busy corner.  Me holding on to him, trying to wipe his nose, and him trying to run into traffic.  Obviously they would have to leave a voice mail.   I thought I would check it when I got Hudson settled and more importantly SAFE.  Then my phone rang again, it was Corey.  I knew something was up so I ushered Hudson into the soccer field and answered my phone.  “We have been picked” that’s all he said and I knew exactly what he meant.  A birth mother had been shown our profile earlier in the week, and she picked us to parent!  I don’t even remember what I said.  I do, however, remember continuously grabbing garbage out of Hudson’s hands before he could put it in his mouth. 

I WAS so excited!

I picked Hudson up and ran to the jeep.  The birth mother wanted to talk to us at 5pm!  When we spoke with her everything was perfect.  Both Corey and I immediately fell in love with her calm quite personality.  The conversation couldn’t have gone better.  She told us that she had a dream about us, and knew we were meant to parent her baby girl.  She said the baby knew who her parents were.

 It WAS perfect! 

We took Hudson out for ice cream to celebrate, we told Hudson his baby sister was coming home, and started calling family with the good news.  Our case manager from the agency called us and told us it was “A Miracle Match”.  And we would find out more at the hospital.  We took Hudson back to the park while we finished our ice cream.  On the way home from the park the adoption agency called us, IT WAS BAD.  The birth mother wanted to speak with another family.  We were in shock!  WHAT?  WHY?  The representative from the adoption agency assured us that our phone conversation went well and she didn’t know why the birth mother wanted to speak with another family.  When we got home I went straight to my room to meditate.  And work as hard as I knew how to “realign the stars”.  We nervously got Hudson ready for bed.  While I was holding my sweet boy in his room and singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in his ear, the phone rang.

 It WAS devastating!

 The birth mother chose the other family to parent.  We are still asking ourselves why.  The adoption agency social workers don’t know why either (or maybe their not saying).  And we will never know what happened in just two hours’ time that caused the birth mother to change her mind.  It was the perfect match, she had a dream about us, we felt good, and it was “A miracle match”. 

WAS

We will continue our journey always wondering about this sweet little girl that could have been our daughter.  But the fact is that we never gave up trying to bring Hudson home.  And we will never give up until McKenna is home.  We love her so much already.  We just can’t imagine life without her.   Like I tell Hudson when he asks about her, “Baby Sister will be home soon.”

Yesterday WAS devastating.


Life IS beautiful!