To Be or Not to Be

I figured that I owe everyone a blog post after my last Facebook status. Corey and I have had many long conversations about foster parenting. We have decided to take the classes to help us decide if it’s the right thing for us and the kids. When I say “kids” I’m talking about Hudson as well. It’s really about being a foster family. Tonight we will have our first visit with a social worker. My hope is to have our questions answered and to receive every bit of information that we can to make the right decision for our family. After tonight we will take the classes to become even more familiar with what to expect. You all must be thinking that I have lost my mind. That’s exactly what I’m thinking! Honestly, we have thought about foster care for a while now. Believe me we have come up with every excuse not to do it. But none of them are very good ones. We keep going back to this crazy idea of being foster parents. I have quoted it before and I’ll quote it again.

"There's this love that is burning Deep in my soul Constantly yearning to get out of control Wanting to fly higher and higher I can't abide Standing outside the fire"

In my own words, “How could we not do this! How could we pass this opportunity up because we are afraid of being hurt? We just can’t! We would never accomplish anything if we just stood passively by and watched life play out in front of our eyes. We need to jump in, dig deep, and take risks”. This is what I wrote when we were in the process of adopting Hudson. It's exactly how I feel today.

We celebrated the one year anniversary of Hudson’s adoption finalization! We took the little man to chuck-e-cheese. I think he had a good time. He liked watching the gorilla in the band. And he loved ski ball.

We had a BIG scare this month. I took Hudson to his 18 month well visit. And he just has NOT gained weight. Hudson is really a pretty picky eater. And come on, the boy NEVER stops moving. Even in his sleep he’s twisting around in circles and doing summer salts. I really wish he would gain some weight. I think all Mama’s like to see some chunk on their babies. Hudson is just a tall, skinny, active boy He has not really gained any weight since his 12 month well visit. Although he is in the 70th percentile for height he only weighs 20lbs. So his Dr. was rightfully concerned and ordered an HIV test. We were more than terrified. It took two days to get the results! In the meantime his pediatrician ordered a CBC. Hudson’s iron was just a little low. We did a lot of research while we waited and one of the first symptoms of HIV in children is low iron. It took two days to get the results of the HIV test. I think I held my breath for the entire two days. During those two days I did a lot of thinking about how our lives would change if Hudson was HIV positive. My first thought was that we would take A LOT of family vacations. My second thought was that I wouldn’t be as worried about the small things. Like a clean, organized house. In fact I thought about hiring someone to take care of that for me so I could just spend time with my baby. I thought about having to contact the adoption agency, and the agency calling Hudson’s birth mom. It would have come as a surprise to her, and devastating for her family. Yes, I think about her every day. The results were negative! Oh thank God! I know this sounds cliché, but my lesson from all of that is to cherish every moment, take lots of family vacations, and for pets sacs don’t sweat the small stuff. Every day I tell Hudson, I actually tell him, just how grateful I am to be his Mama and to just be with him, EVERYDAY!

This month we took Hudson to the aquarium. Let’s just say he was the most active kid there. He loved the penguins, alligators, and sting rays. And he LOVED to knock the wet floor signs down. Ohhhh…….we had fun. While we were at the aquarium we ran into a work friend of Corey’s. He asked us a lot of questions about Hudson. Which I found strange at first. But didn't mind because we knew him. Then he told us that he was in foster care until he was 18. In his own words, “they booted me out when I turned 18”. WHAT! That makes my heart hurt. I just wish I could do more!