Games

Tonight while I was recovering from the day in my lavender scented bath I thought “I am tired of playing games.” 

The waiting game…………

Most adoptive parents have played this game.   The days are busy with paperwork, preparing profiles, fundraising, and the home study.  Then your finally ready……….and you wait.  You wait for a phone call, an email; you wait for your child.  There is no due date.  No known end date to this “pregnancy”.   It’s emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting.  I thought I was handling things well.  I thought the second time around I would be better at this game.   During my run Monday evening all my emotions came to the surface.  This, by the way, is one of the reasons I love running.  You learn a lot about yourself when you are pushing your body to its physical limits.  It awakens your mind.  By the time I was nearing the end of my run I could hardly breathe through the tears.  It’s painful to not be able to carry your child, know where they are, and that you are already doing the best you can to take care of them.  It’s difficult trusting that your baby is on their way to your family.  Yes, even after witnessing the miracle of adoption more than a few times, in my family, and my extended family.  It is still so very difficult.   I know that negative emotions and fear will only cause more negative emotions and fear.  So tonight when a birth mother didn’t choose us to parent for the third time, I had to work really hard on telling myself.  “I know like I know like I know.”  That our baby is on her way. 

One of my coping skills while “waiting” is keeping myself busy.  I find that if I’m busy my mind is not tail spinning into negative thoughts about my child not being home.  I really feel that the more positive and happy feelings I have, the more likely she will be home soon.  We are VERY ready for the baby.  We have everything she could ever possibly need.  The nursery is also mostly ready.  We just have some pictures and a shelf that needs to be hung.  I have written out a schedule of our day and penciled her feeding times in.  I say penciled because anyone who has ever been around a newborn knows how that goes, LOL.

 We have had the carpets and couches cleaned.  They asked us if it was a disaster cleanup.  Corey said, “Uhhh…………. if a toddler and a cat qualifies”.   Oh Corey  ;) 

We painted a high chair and cradle that my Grandpa Johnson made for me when I was little.  They use to be a pistachio pudding green.  Well………when we were sanding them down we found that they were originally painted blue.  The SAME blue color that I had bought to repaint them, I kid you not.  Today I purchased McKenna’s birth mother’s gift.  A very beautiful mother and child heart shaped sterling silver and diamond necklace.  And two identical teddy bears from Build a Bear.  One for McKenna and one for her birth mother.  When I got the bears home I had a good chuckle.  They have a striking resemblance to a certain teddy bear my Grandma Johnson gave me for my birthday.   Interesting to say the least.  My Grandpa’s name is Kenneth; my Grandma’s name is Fawn.  (Fawn is also my middle name)  We thought McKenna Fawn was very appropriate considering my Grandparents were adoptive parents themselves.

We picked the one in the middle.

Matching Bears

McKenna’s crib bedding came with a valence and diaper stacker that I wasn’t going to use.  So I made this cute wall hanging out of the fabric.  An idea I got from pinterest.

And our latest project is building shelving in the mudroom and in the family room.  Which we can’t take much credit for.  We hired it out. ;)   We have planned on doing it for three years now. 
It was time to just get it taken care of.  

Mudroom

Left side of the fireplace.

It’s 11:35pm and I’m feeling much more optimistic about the future then I did at 4:00pm.  My thoughts and well wishes are with all the families out there waiting for their children to come home.  I am very grateful for my little miracle and the time I get to spend with him everyday. 

I hope he ALWAYS smiles this big.

I'm also grateful for my amazing husband. 

This reminds me of a photo I took of the two of them when Hudson was just a few months old.

I should be in bed, but I just had to look for the picture.  This picture was taken just after we brought Hudson home from the hospital and took him out of his car seat. 

I think it was the first time that Corey actually believed that Hudson was his. (tear)

This is the one I was thinking of.  Hudson is 7 weeks old.

On that beautiful note..........Good Night.