Extraordinary Miracles

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Best Mother's Day Present I Have Ever Received

Hudson will be TWO in just a few weeks. His upcoming Birthday has me reflecting a lot on the day he was born. About ten minutes after Hudson was born we were invited into the labor and delivery room. Hudson’s Birth Mother handed him to me and very lovingly said “Happy Mother’s Day”. Neither one of us could hold it together after that. Hudson was born just three days before Mother’s Day. I can’t even imagine how difficult that was for her. And every year at this time I pray that she is doing well and at peace with her decision. Hudson’s Birth Mother is on the top of my list as one of the most amazing people I have ever met. She is very strong, courageous, and selfless. Looking back at the pictures we have of her and Hudson you can tell she loves him very much. And Hudson will always know these things about her. Last year Hudson’s Birthday was on the same day as National Birth Mother’s Day. It was absolutely perfect! And this year my Birthday is on National Birth Mother’s Day. We will be celebrating by attending Birth Mother’s Baskets fundraiser at the Blue Lemon in Highland UT, May 12^th, 11am -2pm. In honor of Birth Mother’s Day 20% of your total lunch bill will be donated to Birth Mother’s Baskets when accompanied with their flyer. If you would like to join us you can print the flyer from Gina’s blog. http://www.birthmotherbaskets.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2012-04-04T08:49:00-06:00&max-results=8.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Clarity

I feel so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family. I really appreciate all the support we received last week, and continue to receive. And I am feeling SO much better about things. In fact I’m kind of embarrassed about my little pity party. I have so much to be grateful for. And I know that our daughter(s) will be home soon.

Last Thursday I had the most severe migraine that I have ever had. Which of course, was brought on by stress. Corey made arrangements for Hudson to go to daycare. Thanks to some homeopathic treatments I was feeling almost 100% better by noon. I cleaned the house and took some time to just rest. A much needed break!

On Friday Hudson and I were playing. When out of the blue he wrapped his little arms around my legs and gave me a big hug. He looked up at me with those big brown eyes and said, “One sister? Two sister?” It was one of those moments that just took my breath away. Why would he ask that? Where did he get that? Did he really just ask that? I tried not to think about. Play it off as just one of those crazy things kids say. But I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I had this overwhelming feeling that it may not be one little girl we were looking for it was possibly two. I really don’t know for sure. But I knew I needed to do something. Many adoptive parents can relate. It’s that feeling you get that you need to bring your children home, do whatever it takes, and get to work. So I discussed it with Corey and we got to work. Actually Corey and I have both had dreams about two little girls. Even before we knew we could not have biological children.

The first thing I did was call the adoption agency that we are working with and let them know that we were interested in adopting a sibling group. We know that situation does not come up very often. The next thing I did was contact a second agency. We are in the process of being approved with them. And I called Utah State Foster Care. We have our application in with Foster Care. Corey and I just need to get all the classes taken. Which is difficult because they are in the evening and don’t end until 9:30pm. I know this is sad but I’m usually in bed by 9:00. Oh well, what needs to be done, will get done!

It feels good to be back to myself. “What doesn’t kill you makes a fighter”.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Games

Tonight while I was recovering from the day in my lavender scented bath I thought “I am tired of playing games.”

The waiting game…………

Most adoptive parents have played this game. The days are busy with paperwork, preparing profiles, fundraising, and the home study. Then your finally ready……….and you wait. You wait for a phone call, an email; you wait for your child. There is no due date. No known end date to this “pregnancy”. It’s emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting. I thought I was handling things well. I thought the second time around I would be better at this game. During my run Monday evening all my emotions came to the surface. This, by the way, is one of the reasons I love running. You learn a lot about yourself when you are pushing your body to its physical limits. It awakens your mind. By the time I was nearing the end of my run I could hardly breathe through the tears. It’s painful to not be able to carry your child, know where they are, and that you are already doing the best you can to take care of them. It’s difficult trusting that your baby is on their way to your family. Yes, even after witnessing the miracle of adoption more than a few times, in my family, and my extended family. It is still so very difficult. I know that negative emotions and fear will only cause more negative emotions and fear. So tonight when a birth mother didn’t choose us to parent for the third time, I had to work really hard on telling myself. “I know like I know like I know.” That our baby is on her way.

One of my coping skills while “waiting” is keeping myself busy. I find that if I’m busy my mind is not tail spinning into negative thoughts about my child not being home. I really feel that the more positive and happy feelings I have, the more likely she will be home soon. We are VERY ready for the baby. We have everything she could ever possibly need. The nursery is also mostly ready. We just have some pictures and a shelf that needs to be hung. I have written out a schedule of our day and penciled her feeding times in. I say penciled because anyone who has ever been around a newborn knows how that goes, LOL.

We have had the carpets and couches cleaned. They asked us if it was a disaster cleanup. Corey said, “Uhhh…………. if a toddler and a cat qualifies”. Oh Corey ;)

We painted a high chair and cradle that my Grandpa Johnson made for me when I was little. They use to be a pistachio pudding green. Well………when we were sanding them down we found that they were originally painted blue. The SAME blue color that I had bought to repaint them, I kid you not. Today I purchased McKenna’s birth mother’s gift. A very beautiful mother and child heart shaped sterling silver and diamond necklace. And two identical teddy bears from Build a Bear. One for McKenna and one for her birth mother. When I got the bears home I had a good chuckle. They have a striking resemblance to a certain teddy bear my Grandma Johnson gave me for my birthday. Interesting to say the least. My Grandpa’s name is Kenneth; my Grandma’s name is Fawn. (Fawn is also my middle name) We thought McKenna Fawn was very appropriate considering my Grandparents were adoptive parents themselves.

We picked the one in the middle.

Matching Bears

McKenna’s crib bedding came with a valence and diaper stacker that I wasn’t going to use. So I made this cute wall hanging out of the fabric. An idea I got from pinterest.

And our latest project is building shelving in the mudroom and in the family room. Which we can’t take much credit for. We hired it out. ;) We have planned on doing it for three years now.
It was time to just get it taken care of.

Mudroom

Left side of the fireplace.

It’s 11:35pm and I’m feeling much more optimistic about the future then I did at 4:00pm. My thoughts and well wishes are with all the families out there waiting for their children to come home. I am very grateful for my little miracle and the time I get to spend with him everyday.

I hope he ALWAYS smiles this big.

I'm also grateful for my amazing husband.

This reminds me of a photo I took of the two of them when Hudson was just a few months old.

I should be in bed, but I just had to look for the picture. This picture was taken just after we brought Hudson home from the hospital and took him out of his car seat.

I think it was the first time that Corey actually believed that Hudson was his. (tear)

This is the one I was thinking of. Hudson is 7 weeks old.

On that beautiful note..........Good Night.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Magnificent Universe

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

SWSWSWSW

So I'm reading this book...

Well actually I've been trying to get through this book for almost four years now. That's embarrassing to admit. I really can see the benefits of reading this book. Possibly life changing! I can't explain why it's taken me so long. I've of course read other books in the last four years. I can't really explain why it's been so hard. It's The Success Principles by Jack Canfield. You know Jack Canfield, the creator of Chicken Soup for the Soul.

A couple of nights ago I was reading chapter 18 (I know, four years, and yes I'm on chapter 18 of 64 chapters). His advice is that whenever you ask for anything you should remember SWSWSWSW. "Some will, some won't; so what - someone's waiting". WOW! AMAZING! These words just engulfed my whole heart. This is how I look at the adoption process. Adoptive parents wait and wait and wait some more. And than finally a birth mother looks at your profile, even gives you a call. And then decides to place with another family or parent. It's heartbreaking, a big deal, but SO WHAT. Someone is waiting. Adoption is truly one of the greatest miracles of life. It's an absolute miracle how Hudson's sweet, energetic, loving little cuteness fits so perfectly into our family. And I know we just have to wait for our daughter, she is coming.

"What you want wants you". Jack Canfield

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

To Be or Not to Be

I figured that I owe everyone a blog post after my last Facebook status. Corey and I have had many long conversations about foster parenting. We have decided to take the classes to help us decide if it’s the right thing for us and the kids. When I say “kids” I’m talking about Hudson as well. It’s really about being a foster family. Tonight we will have our first visit with a social worker. My hope is to have our questions answered and to receive every bit of information that we can to make the right decision for our family. After tonight we will take the classes to become even more familiar with what to expect. You all must be thinking that I have lost my mind. That’s exactly what I’m thinking! Honestly, we have thought about foster care for a while now. Believe me we have come up with every excuse not to do it. But none of them are very good ones. We keep going back to this crazy idea of being foster parents. I have quoted it before and I’ll quote it again.

"There's this love that is burning Deep in my soul Constantly yearning to get out of control Wanting to fly higher and higher I can't abide Standing outside the fire"

In my own words, “How could we not do this! How could we pass this opportunity up because we are afraid of being hurt? We just can’t! We would never accomplish anything if we just stood passively by and watched life play out in front of our eyes. We need to jump in, dig deep, and take risks”. This is what I wrote when we were in the process of adopting Hudson. It's exactly how I feel today.

We celebrated the one year anniversary of Hudson’s adoption finalization! We took the little man to chuck-e-cheese. I think he had a good time. He liked watching the gorilla in the band. And he loved ski ball.

We had a BIG scare this month. I took Hudson to his 18 month well visit. And he just has NOT gained weight. Hudson is really a pretty picky eater. And come on, the boy NEVER stops moving. Even in his sleep he’s twisting around in circles and doing summer salts. I really wish he would gain some weight. I think all Mama’s like to see some chunk on their babies. Hudson is just a tall, skinny, active boy He has not really gained any weight since his 12 month well visit. Although he is in the 70th percentile for height he only weighs 20lbs. So his Dr. was rightfully concerned and ordered an HIV test. We were more than terrified. It took two days to get the results! In the meantime his pediatrician ordered a CBC. Hudson’s iron was just a little low. We did a lot of research while we waited and one of the first symptoms of HIV in children is low iron. It took two days to get the results of the HIV test. I think I held my breath for the entire two days. During those two days I did a lot of thinking about how our lives would change if Hudson was HIV positive. My first thought was that we would take A LOT of family vacations. My second thought was that I wouldn’t be as worried about the small things. Like a clean, organized house. In fact I thought about hiring someone to take care of that for me so I could just spend time with my baby. I thought about having to contact the adoption agency, and the agency calling Hudson’s birth mom. It would have come as a surprise to her, and devastating for her family. Yes, I think about her every day. The results were negative! Oh thank God! I know this sounds cliché, but my lesson from all of that is to cherish every moment, take lots of family vacations, and for pets sacs don’t sweat the small stuff. Every day I tell Hudson, I actually tell him, just how grateful I am to be his Mama and to just be with him, EVERYDAY!

This month we took Hudson to the aquarium. Let’s just say he was the most active kid there. He loved the penguins, alligators, and sting rays. And he LOVED to knock the wet floor signs down. Ohhhh…….we had fun. While we were at the aquarium we ran into a work friend of Corey’s. He asked us a lot of questions about Hudson. Which I found strange at first. But didn't mind because we knew him. Then he told us that he was in foster care until he was 18. In his own words, “they booted me out when I turned 18”. WHAT! That makes my heart hurt. I just wish I could do more!